Destiny Rambo McGuire - HEALING IN THIS HOUSE

God Of A Second Chance

'UK welfare cuts could be disasterous for low income families' on Independent Catholic News

'UK welfare cuts could be disasterous for low income families' on Independent Catholic News

The Big Society and Public Spending Cuts – Archbishop Dr John Sentamu expresses concerns

The Big Society and Public Spending Cuts – Archbishop Dr John Sentamu expresses concerns

Surrounding yourself with positive people

Andrew Reynolds. Whats your excuse?!

LeWeb'08: Marissa Mayer

Marissa Mayer at Stanford University

What Doctors Don't Know, Wake Up America #4

Mercury, The FDA & The Truth, Wake Up America

Peter Saunders - Christian Medical Comment: The new healthcare professionals’ group seeking to...

Peter Saunders - Christian Medical Comment: The new healthcare professionals’ group seeking to...: "A new group of ‘health professionals has this week joined the growing number of ‘societies’ and ‘forums’ seeking legal permission for doctor..."

American Thinker Blog: Delaware debate moderator tells Coons, 'Go for it'

American Thinker Blog: Delaware debate moderator tells Coons, 'Go for it'

We Need A Word From The Lord - Kim Burrell

Vickie Winans "We need a Word from The Lord"

O'Donnell, Coons Square Off on Health Care

Autism - Oscar's Story with The Son-Rise Program

Forwarded by Vivian Asempapa:Turning Your Pain into Purpose(by Cindi McMenamin)

Hi "gals" and "boys",

I believe the follwing article which i find very useful will answer some of life's nagging questions.

Be enriched as you read it.

Vivian

Turning Your Pain into Purpose
Cindi McMenamin
Author, Women on the Edge
Is God withholding something from your life? If so, it could be that He is preparing you for ministry - a ministry that will turn the bitter areas of your life into a blessing.

That's how it worked with Nicole.

Nicole couldn't imagine her life being complete without a husband.

"All my life I've wanted a healthy partnership with a spouse who was also my best friend," Nicole says. "Even as a child, I dreamed of finding my 'Prince Charming' and building a life with him."

So Nicole went after what she wanted…and ended up regretting it.

"During college, I clung to the first guy who paid attention to me, even though I now recall the Lord calling me away from him."

At that time, Nicole didn't have a relationship with God and she continued to cling to an unhealthy relationship out of fear of being alone, even though she was being neglected and emotionally abused. After several years of dating, she became pregnant and she and her boyfriend married.

"This was a do-it-yourself project that failed miserably!" Nicole said. "When my daughter was 2, my husband admitted to having an affair and I was brought to my knees.

"I turned my life over to the Lord at that point and tried to be a godly wife, but he was openly opposed to my relationship with God and eventually left during our seventh year of marriage.

"While I will never regret having my beautiful daughter, I do regret not trusting God enough to walk away from this unhealthy relationship that cost me many years of pain, not to mention a lot of turmoil for our daughter. Looking back, I see why I can fully trust the Lord when He withholds something from us, even if we think it's what we want. I've learned the hard way that ‘Father knows best!'"

Nicole is in her mid-30s now and has been single for almost five years. She has gone through a spiritual recovery program, as well. But, she says, "The Lord continues to withhold dating relationships from me."

A couple years ago, Nicole decided it was time to no longer fight her circumstances but to see what God wanted to do in her life, in spite of them. Along with a widow and a divorced mom from her church, Nicole began a ministry called Single Parent Fellowship (SPF) at her church.

"Although I was initially hesitant about starting it, this ministry has blessed me beyond my dreams and we are now being led and ministered to by a family pastor at our church who has taken us under his wing."

The group meets weekly for prayer, parenting book discussions, Bible reading, and fellowship. They also plan activities together like movie outings, ice skating, camping, and trips to the mountains together. One Christmas the church bought and delivered Christmas trees to all the homes of those involved in the ministry. "We have all become extended family and I am happier now and less alone than I was when I was married!" Nicole says. "More importantly, the Lord has forever changed my heart for single parents. He is even using me now at my workplace to encourage other young, single moms in their journeys."



What caused Nicole to go from merely surviving to thriving as a single mom? What turned her desperation for fulfillment into a desire to serve others? She allowed God to meet her where she was. And by doing so, her desire for fulfillment developed into a desire to serve others. And there, she has found fulfillment!

What are you still waiting for God to bring about in your life? A husband? A baby? A career? The accomplishment of a dream? Could His area of withholding be your place of ministry as well?

Here are three principles to help you direct your desperation into a delightful end that will bless others and bring blessing into your life, as well:

1. Realize God Knows What He's Doing in Your Life

Although Nicole was disappointed to be divorced and desperately wanted another man in her life, she realized that she could continue to make mistakes and get into another bad relationship if she insisted on her way. So she chose to trust that God is in control, that He knows what He's doing in her life, and that His timing is far better than hers. God knows what He's doing in your life, too. It's all about trust.

2. Reflect on What God Has Already Given You

Nicole was able to see her blessing among the bitterness: a beautiful daughter that came out of a miserable marriage and a closer relationship with God that she hadn't known before. Focusing on those blessings, she moved forward as a single mom who was determined to make the best of it. What do you have right now that is a blessing in your life? Focus on that and ask God how He wants to use you right now with what you have.

3. Redirect Your Focus onto Others

Instead of continuing to dwell on the fact that she was lonely and lacking, Nicole chose to be a part of a ministry that ended up not only making a difference in others' lives, but hers as well. God has a way of blessing us when we choose to bless others. Look around at other women who may be longing for the same thing you are and ask God "How can I minister to women who are in similar circumstances?"

Are you a woman who is still desperately seeking something? Then, like Nicole, be a woman who desperately seeks God. As you take your desire for fulfillment and lay it at God's feet, He will give you a heart of gratitude for what you have and contentment in your circumstances. And He just may give you a ministry out of it, too.


Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker and the author of several books including When Women Walk Alone and Women on the Edge, from which this article was excerpted. For more on Cindi's books, speaking ministry, and free resources, see www.StrengthForTheSoul.com.
1 | 2 | Next | All

Can a Relationship That Starts Out as an Affair Succeed?

Should I Divorce My Husband or Stay for the Kids?

The Lexi Show - Thomas Weeks & Christina Glenn (Part 2) clip 3

This Is God's Doing Part 2A

Testimony Judge Mablean Ephriam Divorce Court

Judge Lynn Toler Part 1

Judge Lynn Toler Part 2

Heart of Worship

No One Ever Cared For Me Like Jesus

Ann Widdecombe and Anton Du Beke - Strictly Come Dancing 2010 - BBC One

Journey through painful emotions: Children of divorced and Separated couples(Pt 3)

Most children and adults rely on family and the home as a buffer zone. They discover in their home a literal environment that is both a refuge and security to withstand the pressures at school, work etc.

a) Try and Stay in the same neighbourhood or town for the children’s sake.
In my opinion a common mistake which a couple can make is to live so far apart that the children begin to feel the physical separation. This is my opinion too! unless there are very practical or logistical reasons why this cannot be arranged, separated or even divorced couples need to try and stay in the same neighbourhood. The reason being, they can continue cooperating for the sake of their children. If this is managed well, it can be a very creative approach for equipping our children in their challenge to face external pressure. Some couples may opt to be geographically separated from their recently separated or divorce spouse due a range of other considerations. Examples can include having a very possessive spouse, who keeps arriving unannounced at the doorstep to check on the other. The answer to this is not necessarily moving to another place geographically, but to enforce some background rules that both spouses would abide by.

b) The attitude of mum and dad towards each other.

IT IS ABSOLUTELY UNNECESSARY FOR COUPLES WHO ARE SEPARATED OR DIVORCED TO BEGIN A COLD WAR! TO INITIATE A SITUATION OF TENSION AND HOSTILITY! THAT IS UNHEALTHY, AND IF THIS IS THE CONDITION IN THE HOME, YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO A FEW SURPRISES UNLESS IT CAN BE ACKNOWLEDGED!


c) Their response to third parties is equally important. Children look out and listen to observations being made by either spouse about the other (in his or her absence). The separation or divorce of parents can be a major assault on their very sense of emotional stability. Which means, they crave certainty now than ever? They yearn for reassurance that it is going to be alright…that things are going to be alright. as an indicator state of the union between mum and dad.

Dad must therefore, be careful to portray mum to his family positively and vice versa, even if they have separated or divorced. Be considerate and respectful when representing each other to a third party during conversation. In my own case when I have referred to my spouse, I have been told by others: You must be still in love with her. Why don’t you go back and get reconciled. My response is usually to invite them to continue praying!

d) Mum and Dad must not only practise the golden rule with each other, but also be charitable and generous towards each other.
We need to maintain the process of 'healing and reconciliation' whatever the outcome of the relationship! Now, I finished my evening meal prior to this. Guess who prepared the meal? My spouse of course! Are we under the same roof yet? No! Do I eat a lot of her cooking, Oh yes! I would be really silly not to! Brilliant cook she is! Exchanging items of food, gifts, money, celebrating birthdays and other occasions must be maintained as much as is practically possible. These are family tradition which may not mean a lot to adult men, but are important for the children especially. It is important to accommodate our spouse to the degree they are willing to participate in our lives. My wife has offered suggestions on my personal toiletries, my after shave, showel gel, body spray and the list goes on! This is a valuable contribution she makes because she cares!

NOW I WANT TO MAKE A VERY IMPORTANT POINT! IT ISN'T COMPROMISE! SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO DO THIS! SHE OFFERS AND I ACCEPT. YES, EVEN IF I WERE TO MAKE A REQUEST, IT MUST BE DONE BASED ON THE UNDERSTANDING THAT IT IS ALRIGHT FOR HER TO DECLINE. NO COMPULSION! MUTUAL RESPECT! I believe I have made my points about a) Attitude to each other should be one of mutual respect, b) where third parties are involved, represent our spouses in a respectful manner to them.


IN CONCLUSION:

IT IS IMPORTANT FOR AN ELEMENT OF STABILITY TO BE MAINTAINED, SO THAT OUR CHILDREN CAN PROCESS FOR THEMSELVES (AND WITH OUR GUIDANCE) WHAT WENT WRONG.



It is their personal journey of discovery, and whereas we can walk with them and guide them through it, this remains their unique journey! Now the temptation to control the process by propaganda is very difficult to resist! Because, if we are to allow them to arrive at their own conclusions, they mature, and experience personal growth! The traumatic experience that could have been a reason for lifelong stunted growth, finds an outlet through expression. They make one of the most significant discoveries early in life!

It is necessary it remains so! If there is a mess, IT IS DAD AND MUM WHO REMAIN RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MESS! IT IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUNG TONY AND HIS YOUNGER SIBLING CLARA!

Now the temptation to control the process by propaganda is very difficult to resist! Because, if we allow them to arrive at their own conclusions, they mature and experience personal growth! The traumatic experience that could have been a reason for lifelong stunted growth, finds an outlet through expression. They... make one of the most significant discoveries early in life!

WHAT IS THIS DISCOVERY

It is the discovery that, Dad and Mum are not perfect! This may first come as a shock to them. But later on it becomes a most valuable insight into human frailty. They soon discover that, it is a relief to them, because they are not perfect either. This discovery could become a healthy way forward. Our child’s world needn’t crumble if Dad and Mum are unable to live up to a perfectionist ideal. .

DAD AND MUM ARE BASICALLY FLAWED HUMAN BEINGS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. CAN THEY BE A ROLE MODEL? YES, BUT MODEL IS A VERY TRANSPARENT REFLECTION OF GENUINENESS AND HONESTY. MUM AND DAD ARE MOST EFFECTIVE, WHEN THEY ARE COMFORTABLE WITH BEING REAL, EVEN VULNERABLE IN FRONT OF TONY AND CLARA! THAT IS THE BEST COURSE IN LIFE SKILLS TO HAVE.

John what are you saying? That divorce and separation are a good thing for children? NO BUDDY! WHAT I AM SAYING IS THAT, DESPITE ALL THE VERY DEPRESSING STATISTICS ABOUT CHILDREN OF SEPARATED PARENTS' INABILITY TO COPE, A SIGNIFICANT NUMBER OF THEM COPE AND SOME EVEN BECOME PRESIDENTS!

AM I ADVOCATING DIVORCE AND SEPARATION? NOT AT ALL! I AM ONLY ASSERTING THAT, IF YOU ARE ALREADY IN SUCH A SITUATION, DON'T GIVE IN TO ANY FURTHER DOOMSDAY SCENARIOS ABOUT HOW YOUR KIDS ARE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT IN LIFE! INSTEAD, PICK YOURSELF UP AND IF PRACTICALLY POSSIBLE REMAIN IN A MUTUALLY CIVIL RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SPOUSE OR PARTNER!

THEN BEGIN TO BUILD SUCH MUTUALLY RESPECTFUL AND CIVIL COMMUNICATION BRIDGES THAT WOULD ENABLE YOUR CHILDREN TO BE THE LIGHT WITHIN YOUR OWN TUNNEL! NOT AT THE E-N-D OF YOUR SO-CALLED 'DARK' TUNNEL! DON'T EXPECT IT TO BE DARK FOR SO LONG! EVEN IF THE FLASHLIGHT OF HOPE HAS BEEN KNOCKED OUT OF YOUR FEELINGS.BE OPTIMISTIC, IN ANTICPATING THAT YOUR CHILDREN WILL SWITCH ON THEIR INDIVIDUAL LIGHTS OF INSIGHT!

Ern Baxter - Eagle Christian Part 9 of 9

Ern Baxter - Eagle Christian Part 8 of 9

Ern Baxter - Eagle Christian Part 7 of 9

Ern Baxter - Eagle Christian Part 5 of 9

Ern Baxter - Eagle Christian Part 4 of 9

Ern Baxter - Eagle Christian Part 3 of 9

Ern Baxter - Eagle Christian Part 2 of 9

Ern Baxter - Eagle Christian Part 1 of 9

Ern Baxter on the Baptism of the Holy Spirit

Ern Baxter on William Branham, Word and Spirit

The Pastor who "lied"

A video Response to A response of my Todd Bentley Remarries video part 3

A video Response to A response of my Todd Bentley Remarries video part 2

Todd Bentley Remarries

4.03.09-Todd Bentley APOLOGIZES to the Revival Alliance AND THEN the Church

Confession of Todd and Jessa Bentley

3.27.09 Todd Bentley's Restoration with Rick Joyner

Shirley Caesar - He'll Do It Again

Journey Through Painful Emotions: Children of Divorced and Separated Couples(Pt 2)

What does a parent or guardian do in order to address and possibly resolve such issues? Personally, I think it is important that a parent or guardian maintains three simple objectives in mind: a) Address the issue with the aim of preventing a complication from developing in their state of mind. In a nutshell, you want to prevent the issue from affecting their state of mind for a long time. You want to prevent a complication from developing because of the issue! b) You want to help them manage the ‘difficult’ emotions which have the potential of ‘erupting’ into a ‘Volcano’ of self destructive behaviour. Such emotions if not properly managed or facilitated, could lead to the child or children becoming traumatised even years later. c) Thirdly, you want to help a child ‘grow’ as a person, distinct from their parents, without what they have experienced affecting the development of their personality. In a nutshell, you want to address the potential ‘baggage’ they may be carrying from the relationship of their parents.

Now let’s begin discussing each of the above three objectives.

a) Preventing the problem affecting their state of mind for a lifetime. Children need their ‘peace of mind’ in order to function as individuals. As they grow, they need to be able to address issues, solve problems, learn to cope with pressure and experience fulfilment in life. A child, who develops effective problem solving skills, grows to become an adult who is able to function independently by transferring those skills in his daily life. Adults have a lot more responsibilities in the family and in society. Preparation is so important before a transition into adulthood. The formative years of a human person, during childhood, is absolutely important for laying the necessary foundation into adulthood. So then, if a child can be free from painful distractions, by experiencing a secure family life, embrace parental love, that will really be helpful to them.
b) Managing difficult emotions that could erupt into self-destructive behaviour.
What do I mean by that? These are significant characteristics of a psychological process that leads to an emotional trauma in the child. This can result in a vicious cycle of inner turmoil in the child. If the child is unable to end this cycle by receiving help or support, the process of trying to work it all out by herself can sap their energy. It can affect their ability to freely interact socially, eventually affect the development of their personalities. Such children emerge from this experience of ‘scarred childhood emotions’ to ‘damaged adult personalities’!

c) Helping a child ‘grow’ as an independently functioning person, without being adversely affected by the breakdown of mum and dad’s relationship. This is no doubt an ideal, to be aspired to. My own view is that, however much the potential damage children are likely to suffer as a result of the breakdown of mum and dad’s relationship, being honest about the situation is best! Some have used such obvious difficulties as a pretense, for hanging on to a 'fractured' relationship at all costs! They have argued, for the children sake, that it is better to stay under the same roof...with mounting tension, angry exchanges.

Our children may not like it, when we are honest about the situation. However, they learn through our handling of difficult situations, that problems must be confronted and not simply wished away! If we refuse to admit to a problem, we are unlikely to address it. When we do not address our problems, we are modelling denial to them! One day, they will handle their own problems by denying the existence of such problems. They may even find theological excuses for inaction! Sadly, there are many ‘adult c-h-i-l-d-r-e-n’ today, who use such an approach to problem solving...


Developing Problem Solving Approaches in Children

A Virtue called Patience: Children often lack some of the advantages one experiences, in taking a long-term view of situations. The fact is that, as we grow we learn to apply our experiences to different problems or challenges. Some situations would yield to a different approach. The Adult (parent as in dad or mum) can lead the child in discovering this. So that the child can exercise the virtue called patience, in certain situations. As a result of becoming patient, he or she can develop a clearer assessment of the issue at stake and subsequently.

Creative ways of handling a child’s obsession with certain thoughts: A question that remains unexpressed is often reinforced by thoughts which require skilful processing. thoughts such as ‘it’s my fault that mum and dad are separated!’
Processing what went wrong with mum and dad, is just like digesting food. Without some assistance to address their unanswered queries, children rehearse such thoughts again and again in their mind. They have to eventually store such 'unprocessed' information in their memory, as one would try to retain food which isn't ...properly 'digested' in the digestive system.

In so doing they intend to make an effort to prevent the children from
suffering some of the above mentioned difficulties associated with
broken down homes! Well, if you have been following my series of reflections, then you probably know some of the perspectives I identify with! In other words, what my position is. I ...want to discuss it using my own experience.

Parents need to remain Civil towards each other: In my experience the attitude of mum and dad towards each other could sustain or undermine the efforts at enabling the children PROCESS their experience of what is happening to the family. If mum and dad can exchange views or information as two mutually respectful adults, the children are not going to be distracted from focusing on processing their experience effectively.

The Philosophical Outlook or belief system undergirding this discussion

Fundamentally, we are all broken people: broken and therefore constrained in our effectiveness at relating with others, broken in our ability to use the vast potential we have inside us, flawed and incoherent in our very outlook on our own existence. Our worldview is full of gaps we have inadequately tried to cover up with science fiction or philosophical dogma. We are essentially, broken ego-centric and flawed human beings not very certain about the purpose of our existence. Our education and socialisation may do a very good job at masking or disguising this trait, however fundamentally we are all flawed human beings. Our main hope lies in finding redemption ! This is the therapeutic model, which I will refer to frequently in this discussion.

Our children are born with two contrasting traits. On the one hand they possess this vast potential of talent, gifts, resources, and the inherent untapped know-how for developing them all. On the other hand they are born with inherent traits. They are born with a predisposition to repeat our flaws and become self-fulfilling in their character, to the prediction that, like father/mother like son/daughter!

Coupled with the above traits and potential challenges, our children are going to be exposed to an element of pressure from their external(outside their family) environment educational and social

Benny Hinn sings "See His Glory" (Sydney 2009)

Sharon Daugherty - I Will Run The Race